Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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