I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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