You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
