One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
