Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
