my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
