Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize