if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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