garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
