I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
