If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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