Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
