If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
