Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
