Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
