eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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