nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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