I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
