Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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