Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
