I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
