I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
