honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize