it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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