In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
