Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
