but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
