there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
