"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
