Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
