The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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