fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
