it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
