guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
