I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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