I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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