Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
