I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
These tits shall not be calmed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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