i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
