I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
