Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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