sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
