yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the day after is always just damage control
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't turn off my feet"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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