She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
