You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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