You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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