i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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