How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
