well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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