Porn is love you can see.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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