Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
