Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
