Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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