in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
