so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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