Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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