So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
