she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
