another moral hangover. fuck.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
