I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
