I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
