i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
