i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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