it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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