I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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