cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
