Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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